Ghosts in the Darkness
by hope4love
Summary: A scene I'd have liked to have seen between Out of Control and Trapped.
1. Chapter 1

It's been 5 days …. 5 days since my heart stopped beating.

'_It's you Catherine'_

Vincent had refused to speak again, refused to look at me again. Leaving those words coupled with the indefinable look on his face haunting me for 5 days. JT had pushed me out of the warehouse and 5 days ago I had lacked the strength to fight back. Vincent's words ringing in my ears stripped me of the confidence to hold my position.

But after spending the last 5 days with the all consuming doubts and pain festering I've shored up enough nerve to finally confront MY BEAST.

I say good bye to Tess as I leave the station. I barely register her prodding me to enjoy my three day weekend. I think enjoy is the wrong descriptor for my plans, but the gesture was appreciated.

Its only 3:30 when I arrive at the warehouse and JT's car is not there. I don't know if this 'security system' JT is always complaining about is on or not but nothing is going to stop me from getting to Vincent. Even though I haven't made it three feet from my car yet, I start talking. I know Vincent can hear me, I know that my approach may be affecting him and if he's starting to change I want him to hear my voice. I would hope he finds it comforting.

"Hey, I know. I know JT will be so mad when he gets here and I know he told me not to come back but WE had a deal. No silence longer then a week. Every week we are supposed to check in. So I know your ok. Granted OK is probably not the word you would use to describe yourself lately, and yes I'm bordering on rude by checking in 2 days early, but I cant NOT check in on you today."

By this time I have reached the door to their apartment. The door that separates the creepy dark space of the abandoned warehouse from the warmth of the home Vincent and JT had made.

I took a deep breath trying to steady my nerves. Picking their locks with shaking hands only prolongs the project. By the time I finally get through the door my heart sinks again. I'd hoped against hope that JT and Vincent had come to their senses on their own, and Vincent would be standing on the other side of the door smiling at me, ready to tease me for how long it took me to break in this time.

I look at the old elevator and can't stop the hatred I feel towards the intimate object. Hatred I'm sure is reflected on my face as I slid the door open. My breath catches and my heart sprints at the sight before me. Vincent is sitting a foot from the bars eyes closed head tilted up as if praying for reprieve. But reprieve from what I wonder.

"Please Vincent talk to me" But he doesn't move. "I know you can hear me, I need you to look at me Vincent." He still doesn't move, not even to breathe. If I didn't know that he can hold his breath for 15 min. I'd be terrified he was dead.

'Vincent I'm so sorry. You are so important to me and I missed you these past 5 days. I tried to stay away. I did. I couldn't." At that I reached a hand through the bars and placed a hand over his chest.

"It hurt Vincent. Staying away, it was hurting me and I know it's selfish but I couldn't hurt any longer. Not when it would be so easy to stop the pain." His head slowly started to fall his shoulders slumping down till I felt his chin touch my hand. I wanted to hold him so badly.

"Catherine" Is all he said. But the pain in those three syllables shattered what was left of my heart. I sobbed once, as quietly as I could. He squeezed his eyes shut tighter as if blocking out the sound. I couldn't help it though. I wanted to hold him, I needed to be held.

"Please Vincent, where is the key?"

He just shook his head.

"Please I will come in there. You don't have to come out."

He got up and walked to the back of the cage. Even facing away from me I could tell his resolve was weakening.

"We KNOW the beast won't hurt me. We've been there, whether you're in control or not I'm safe with you."

"You're Never safe with me" He screamed causing me to jump, but also spurring me on. "Vincent, do you want to know why I didn't use the trank dart? The real reason, not the justifications I made to JT. I didn't feel threatened and I couldn't … the gun … the violence of shooting you was too much. Especially because I KNEW you wouldn't hurt me. Was I nervous - Hell yes. Scared - yes but not for myself -for you. I was scared for you. But still I couldn't do it. Did not shooting you make me selfish, in hindsight I guess. But I couldn't HURT you Vincent, in any form."

His body began to tremble like it did in the tunnel.

"Vincent, tell me where the key is. Tell me now."

"Fire box under my bed." Is all I hear before I bolt up the stairs and practically throw his bed over. I find the small safe and carry the whole thing down stairs. Stopping again in front of the makeshift cell I wait. He has to give me the combination. He knows this, as well as I know this.

"11 16 1983" he mutters so quietly I barely hear it. If it hadn't been my own birth date I would have had to ask him to repeat it. As soon as the box is open I'm tearing through it. All that matters right now is that key. Once I have my hands on it swiftly and confidently I unlock the pad lock and start unwinding the chains from around the bars. My anxiousness growing as what seems like hundreds of feet of heavy chains falls to the floor around my feet. I slid the gate apart just enough to squeeze through not even bothering to fully remove the chain and cross the few steps and wrap my arms around Vincent's waist. A bold move considering the most affection I've been able to show previously was ultimately rejected, I know.

I had been so focused on getting in I hadn't noticed Vincent hadn't moved. He is still trembling. He was still standing facing the wall hands extended at shoulder height muscles clenched. He feels warm to the touch and I wrap myself around him from behind clinging to him. He hasn't moved, again he isn't breathing.

"Please Vincent look at me." But before I can finish the sentence I heard JT at the front door cursing.

"I swear to GOD what is wrong with YOU." Is all I really make out before I release Vincent and turn around to face JT.

"If your scared chain it back up" and I threw the key at him through the bars. "I'm not leaving his side till he talks to me and we sort out why the new hypothesis is that adrenaline, anger, and Catherine cause him to Beast out."

"10 years, Vincent and I have been dealing with this for 10 years. No fugue states, no dissociative events. Then you sashay into his life and he can't remember hours at time. He comes home covered in blood and can't explain why. Believe or not you are the cause. You are HURTING him! Can't you SEE that?"

Before I could breakdown, which is all I wanted to do Vincent let out a roar from behind me. Springing into action JT tried to grab me through the bars, to pull me from the cage but I back away stumbling and tripping over Vincent falling to the floor.

I speak quietly dejectedly still stinging from JT's outburst. "Chain it back up, but he won't hurt me and I'm not leaving him alone in here."

Vincent starts hitting the wall but glancing up at him I can tell the transformation isn't complete. He is struggling against it. I can hear JT wrapping chains. I can hear his words replaying over and over in my head but I can't move I can't stop staring at Vincent's back. Willing him my strength, praying for his safety and his sanity that he calms him self. Suddenly the dart gun is thrown throw the bars and with a final disgusted look JT closed the outer doors, plunging me and Vincent into near darkness.

I sat quietly waiting for my eyes to adjust. The small window let a spot of light in, but not enough for my eyes to make out the details of Vincent. He was stiff and unmoving still facing away from me.

But as always what I could see was perfect. I was so entranced by the flexing of his back muscles, and the rhythmic sound of his breathing I was startled when he turned back to face me. His face was red, tear tracks clearly visible down his checks. He kneeled quickly at my side and firmly but gently started running his hands up my legs starting at my ankles.

The pubescent girl in me was transfixed at the sensation of his touch, but the experienced women knew this was his doctors training not desire moving his hands around my lower legs. He was checking for injuries from my fall I repeated to myself hoping to calm my hormones.

Once satisfied with my shins and knee's he grabs first one hand then the other. Checking for broken fingers, I think. When he went to release my hands I clamp my fingers down around his and looked into his eyes.

I want to apologize again. I want to tell him that the shock of his new incarceration and the fear that I'd truly be denied his company made me analyze my feelings. I want to tell him that when done with the endless analyzing I admitted to myself that its love I feel in my chest when I see him. But I'm a coward and I stay silent.

I see tears spring to his eyes and without thinking I pull him down to sit at my side. I pull him close leaning him against my side pulling him into a half hug. I know that he allowed me to do this, and I'm pleased he must still trust me somewhat.

Suddenly I feel him drop. He lays down resting his head in my lap and all I can think is he needs comfort and he's looking to me to give it. This thought raises my spirits despite the melancholy surrounding us.

If I can just get through to him...

"I know we are surrounded by darkness. I know you can't imagine ever seeing the light again. And it scares me so much, but I am not leaving. I will be here to hold you for as long as it takes. I just need you to tell me that we'll be alright."

He turns his head in my lap to look up at me, and I wait with baited breath. "You've stayed despite having seen my pain, my faults, my ghosts, and my hopelessness. If it was possible to do you'd be the only person who could lead me away from the darkness."


	2. Chapter 2

I don't give him time to think. I place my hand behind his head and pull his face to mine. I kiss him with all the passion I can muster. His lips are firm and unmoving but that doesn't stop me. I pour the fear, the anxiety, and the love I feel for him into the kiss trying to convey all the reasons he should follow me out of the darkness.

I start to panic when seconds have passed and he still hasn't moved. He is rigid in my arms and against my mouth. I give it one last try pushing harder against him, bruising my lips against his trying to break the shell he has constructed around himself.

I feel a single tear drop from my check on to his signaling the emotional damn breaking.

I can feel the waves of emotion rising within me when suddenly he surges forward.

His mouth is persistent and strong. Forcing mine into submission by sheer force. I KNOW I will be bruised now. I feel his tongue dart out and swipe at my lower lip. Without thought my mouth opens and I feel his tongue push forward into my mouth. The pleasure sparked by him radiates from my scalp to my toes, but no where is it more concentrated than in my lower abdomen. The warmth is pooling and my body is consumed by the need to devour him. With one kiss he has driven all rational thought from my head. I just want more of him.

He shifts pulling me down to lie next to him. Without breaking the fervent movements of our mouths he rolls on top of me. Once he is settled on top of me, the weight of him causes me to melt into him. My thighs part of their own volition hitching around his hips pulling him closer to me. My arms slide over his rib cage around to his back where my hands begin clawing at the toned muscles I find.

He was cushioning my head with his forearm effectively pinning me to the floor with the weight of his torso. His other hand began running back and forth from my knee to my hip. I moan loudly against his mouth when on one last pass his hand reaches my hip and grips it pulling my pelvis flush against his.

I don't know if it's the unsteady beat of my heart, the hormonal and emotional tornado he has stirred up in me, or the fact that I am breathless as a result of his kisses but I start to feel light-headed.

Almost as if I had spoken this concern out loud Vincent pulls his mouth from mine. He is hovering over me, his panted breath mingling with my own. Once our lips parted I could tell the moment his mind kicked back on. His body froze completely and a look of shock etched itself into his face.

The fog started to clear from my mind and I felt the panic rise in my chest. I could tell he is going to pull away. I could read it in the stiffness in his face and it was breaking my heart.

Instinctively I tighten my thighs around his hips surging my pelvis forward pressing our centers together. My body was still so high from the heady arousal Vincent conjured that try as I might I couldn't get my hips to relax. I knew Vincent's sudden hesitation must have been mental – I could tell his body wanted more.

My mind had kicked in enough to realize I had to approach Vincent as I would the beast. I reach one hand in a familiar gesture up to his check. Palming the scar on his left side and in a direct contradiction of my hips I gently place my lips against his. The kiss alone would have been construed as chaste had it not been for the insistent grip my lower body had on his.

He responded groaning softly and running his hand in light circles around my hip. My mind gave momentary pause as I locked eyes with him. I knew what I wanted. I knew what I wanted next, but conflict raged across Vincent's face. Would I regret it later if I pushed Vincent? Would he? Was it fair? We were both so emotionally raw. While the last few minuets had felt like a balm to me had he felt the same? My mind knew I couldn't push him till I knew the root of his hesitation, but at the same time my body was not releasing his.

Clinging to him, my lips brushed across his chin on the way to his throat. "It's ok. Talk to me Vincent. What is stopping you?" He doesn't talk at first, but he hums softly instead. This may be due to the fact that once I finished speaking I began nibbling along his jaw.

I know that if positions were reversed I wouldn't have a thought in my head beside 'more please' but I just couldn't stop myself long enough to let him answer. When I reached his ear I pulled his lobe into my mouth sucking slightly causing Vincent to hiss. Hearing this encouraged me and I grazed my teeth along the skin. By the time I reached the end of his lobe he had groaned my name loud enough to echo in his dark cell while simultaneously sliding his hand from my hip to my backside.

This is how JT found us when he threw the elevator doors open suddenly. My face buried in Vincent's throat and his head thrown back. My legs locked around his hips while his hand was gripping my ass.

Even though embarrassment was coursing through me making me want to hide my hormones and my arousal was fighting back. Telling my muscles to stay clenched around Vincent until satisfied. It was Vincent that ultimately decided for me much to my disappointment. Ironically, despite the rampant disappointment, the ease with which he disentangled himself from me, despite what I thought was an iron grip, only served to further arouse me.

Vincent sat on the floor between me and JT running his hands over his face making sure not to look at either of us. Opposed to JT who seemed as though he couldn't look away - or close his mouth.

"There goes our theories huh?" JT asked not really directed at either of us.

"JT" Vincent said more of a warning then anything but JT didn't notice or didn't care. I could tell he was on edge and I knew JT's glibness was tempting me to lose my temper and I didn't have a beast to fight against.

"No this is great, Vincent. You allow yourself to be locked into a cage with someone you think might be the cause to your recently increased instability and instead of keeping your distance, instead of perhaps calmly discussing why space and time would be the most reasonable - most logical step at this juncture you ... God this is so far past making a playlist ..."

I'm staring at Vincent during the entire rant and unlike JT I notice the veins on Vincent's neck starting to darken and protrude. I sit up, finally feeling in control of my body. "JT"

"No Yoko, I'm not interested in hearing how dreamy his eyes are and why you swoon over him. For almost twenty-five years me and Vincent have known each other. I have seen him with one night stands, lovers, girlfriends, even a fiancée and never has he made so many irrational decisions because of a women. Do you even realize how deeply his feelings run? Do you realize what it would do to him if he lost control - which considering recent events isn't out of the realm of possibility? Even if he only scratched you - just the slightest of bruises and he would be INCONSOLABLE! When are you going to stop being so selfish?!"

I couldn't respond because the next thing I knew a deafening roar echoed through the warehouse and the beast quicker than sound was against the bars reaching for JT. Who in the course of his rant had thankfully gotten more than arms length away from the cage.

"The gun Catherine. Get the gun." JT yelled over the growling Vincent was doing.

I quickly grabbed the gun from the floor but did not aim it at Vincent.

"Vincent" I whispered but he wouldn't turn around. He roared again still reaching through the bars swiping his powerful claws towards JT. "Vincent" I repeated my voice louder than before but still I couldn't get his attention.

"JT leave."

"NO!"

"I need his attention, please leave."

"Just shoot him."

"Not unless I have to. Please. Trust me. Please just this once."

JT doesn't answer me. He just walked out of the front door leaving me to tame MY beast.

"Vincent" I repeat for the third time and he finally turn to me. He roars at me and my hand grips the gun tighter. I take my free hand and slowly start to raise it towards Vincent. "I need you to come back to me now. I need to talk to you about what JT said. I know he must have hit a nerve with you. He definitely did with me." By now my hand is again cupping him face. Vincent was staring at me, panting at me, but was not yet showing any signs of changing back. "In the last 30 minuets Vincent we've gone from reconciling - to passion - to being scolded. I'm an emotional wreck. I need to talk this out, and you're the only one I can do that with." It took a few moments but he began to come back to me.

"I'm sorry" He whispers and backs away from me to lean against the bars. I took the four steps I needed to close the distance between us, but stopped just short of touching him.

"I'm guessing it wasn't a black out." I say smiling up at him.

"No, I lost my temper. I was too close to the edge when JT started his lecture. It's my fault. " He slides to the side and again walks away towards the back of the cell. "Things got out of control. " Vincent turns around looking me square in the eye.

Again I close the distance. Again I am a hairs breadth away from him, but I still refrain from touching him. I know where he's going with this conversation. I want to stop him before he speaks again. I want to stop him from breaking my heart. I want to stop him from telling me it was a mistake - that it shouldn't have happened. I think he can read this on my face and seeing the rejection starting to invade my eyes causes him to avert his eyes momentarily.

"Stop, Vincent." I reach my hand out to hold his. "I know JT's not entirely wrong. I understand that I haven't been the most rational. My actions not entirely selfless, but you kissed me back. You meet me more than half way not minuets ago right here on this floor. You ..." I had no real defense. I knew my actions if dissected in a clinical, purely impartial way were risky. Rationally speaking I was playing with fire. But I knew that if I did get burned - which I didn't believe I would - that in the end it would be worth it. " You are not alone. I was ... I am ... so sorry I let you down in that tunnel."

"You didn't let me down Catherine. I'm the problem, not you."

"No you're not a problem." I let the gun fall from my hand and reach out to take his other. "You're the answer to a question I haven't even been able to ask yet."


	3. Chapter 3

I could see the disbelief echoing off his face. He pulls slightly and quickly on both my hands bringing me flush against his chest. I take a minute to nuzzle my face into his chest. He is so warm and firm beneath my cheek; I can't help but sigh softly at the feel.

His chin drops to my head and I feel his chest expand as he breaths me in.

He reaches his arms low around my back, effectively pinning my arms behind me. Normally the cop in me would be bristling at how restrictive the position was – but not here and not with Vincent. In fact this new surrender has my hormones spiking again.

I look up into his face to see his expression still has not changed. Confusion, fear, pain all fighting a battle within him. I wanted to reach out to him, but since I couldn't I settled for gently kissing his chest - over his heart and then laying my head therelistening.

Neither of us talked or moved. I was petrified to move, to breathe even. As if stirring the air around us would cause this fortress I had built to crumble. This fortress that kept all the wrongs we both were stumbling over from tearing us apart at the seams.

"I used to be brave" I hear him mumble and wonder where he is going with this. "I used to be proud and willful too. Stubborn was a word often used by anyone that had spent more than two minutes with me."

"I'd still describe you as stubborn." I mutter smiling at 1000 watts and gazing up at him with what is probably my most love sick puppy dog expression. He has stubbornly held on to the notion that he isn't human. Stubbornly claimed the beast detracted from his humanity – but the way I see it the trials and the suffering he had been through had made him more human then most of the guys that come in and out of my sphere of knowledge.

He smiles briefly, but it never reaches his eyes, as if he can read my thoughts.

"Catherine – JT was right. You need to go. You have this hold over me that I've never known before. You tame me in a way I never thought possible and a month ago – before these blackouts that would have been enough. But now that every moment you're beside me threatens your safety …"

I watch as he struggles for words but the newly formed lump in my throat prevents me from interjecting. The dread of what he is saying – and what else he has to say prevents me from screaming the rebuttals that have become my mantra over the last few hours.

"I wish I could be bold for you. I wish I could be strong for you but when I'm around you I feel like I'm being pulled in so many directions. What is right, what is safe, what I feel, what I want – none of them converge anymore. And maybe this is the reason for these blackouts - this increase in my instability. I tried to ignore them. I tried to pretend that they didn't concern us – you can't be around me any more. Truly these blackoutschange everything. I had accepted that the beast and the rage that comes along with it is inside me - is mine forever. The beast is the price I pay for my pride, my willfulness and I have to live with that. But you –Catherine you're so beautiful – you don't have to live like this. But more importantly I don't want you to live like this. Not when I am in … here"

"Vincent" My heart starts to crack open a little at his admissions and I strain up on my tip toes. Unable to reach his lips in our current position, at least without his aid, I settle for placing a kiss at the base of his throat, and pray he is as comforted by this as I find myself. "We already talked about this. I am fully informed. I've heard all the reasons I shouldn't be here 100 times. But I have made up my mind – "

"Catherine – "He interrupts and steps away from me. He is rigid and I feel myself grow cold. "Your strength – it…it makes me feel …. Less strong" he sighs, and he sounds defeated.

This throws me for a loop. In my mind he's always seems so strong – sure he's a little self abhorrent – but I'd never ever thought of him as weak. It stings me; more so then the barbs JT has thrown my way tonight to think I make him feel weak. Especially when the mere thought of him has the opposite effect on me.

"I thought I made you feel alive …" I let my sentence drop off. I feel crushed. I'd been under the impression he wanted to spend time with me as much as I wanted to spend time with him. Had I been wrong? Was I just a new face –someone to contact– nothing more?

"You do." He whispers "but this is too much. Catherine – I just need time – I need to protect you and me and this uncertainty is too much – JT's right. I would die if you got hurt – and … Please Catherine. Just go …"

I walk over to him and pull him around to face me. For what feels like the hundredth time tonight I grab him by his face and pull him to me. I try to pour everything into this kiss. Into this one small connection I try to convey my love, my passion, my empathy. I want to devour him here in this cold make shift cell. Vincent groans and encircles mein his arms. He holds me so tight as if clinging to me to stay afloat – as if I am the air he needs to breathe.

My heart is singing. Partially from the pleasure the new found liberty of kissing himgives me, but mostly because he kisses me back -despite his expressed wishes for me to leave. I pull back from his mouth to hug him tightly and I smile as he clutches me sofirmly that my feet are lifted off the ground.

Pressed against his chest hovering off the ground I finally process what he's said to me. I marvel at how selfishly happy it makes me to know that even though he's better at being without me – he's not thrilled by this separation.

"I'll give you space." Naturally my heart lurched and screamed for me to take this backbut I knew after everything we'd said and done tonight it was time for me to respect his feelings – and stop catering to mine. "If you really think you need it, but I'm not running Vincent. I'm not giving up on you."

He gently eases me down and the impassive look on his face doesn't hurt the way it should – the way it did after he stood me up for dinner. Now that look only strengthens my resolve. I walk silently to the cage door and let myself out. I stand on the other side of the gate with the chains in my hand, but I can't bring myself to re chain them. "I'll talk to you soon." I say with a force that has him smiling – even his eyes. Then I drop the chains to the ground and I turn towards the stairs – towards where I have no doubt I will find JT hovering – fuming.

"I used to be playful." I hear him mutter and immediately I want to run back to him and remind him of the rare but prized moments when he still was but I can't push him any more. I turn back and smile at him. I don't know what else to do or say so after a few beats I turn away again and head down towards the stairs.

When I reach the bottom as I predicted JT sits visibly seething.

"Finally! If you two are don-"

But I can't be yelled at again. So I interrupt him.

"I'm no Yoko. I'm not trying to break up the band here JT. That's not what I came here for." And I can see the mistrust in his face and decide to go for broke. After everything else tonight spilling my guts to JT can't hurt I guess.

"I'm so confused most of the time. I get so obsessed about how he is or if he's safe when I'm not with him and believe me I try to think it through but I never know if what I'm doing is wrong. I don't hurt him on purpose." I look at him and his eyes have softened but that sarcastic look is still on his face. I sigh deeply and try one last time to get through to him.

"I always thought of myself as self possessed when it came to guys – stoic even. I don't even know when I developed this bleeding heart – so how could I expect you tounderstand something I'm not sure I understand. Honestly - I waited 5 days for this feeling to fade away –."

I pause realizing that I'm not going to crack JT tonight and I'm too tired to keep trying He is a protective and steadfast of a friend to be swayed by me standing here and talk his ear off. He cares about Vincent's happiness and I'll show him that ultimately all I want to do is make Vincent happy.

The truth was that since my mother died I'd been lost and didn't even realize it. Not until Vincent saved me – showed me what it was like to be found. All the pretty words in the world can't show JT how I feel – but time would.

JT sighs and I look back at him bracing myself for his sarcastic rebuttal but instead I see acceptance in his face. "I know I told you only to contact me in dire emergencies but I'll text you ok? Or you can text me, at least until the whole terminator episodes are sorted out, and I'll tell you how he is – and WHEN or IF you can come over again."

I nod. After the scene I put all of us through tonight – I don't think I could ask for moreunderstanding. I head for the front door but stop suddenly, realizing if I'm going to get on his good side I have to start small.

"Thank You" I say and he smiles at me.


End file.
